• Desha

My last drink was 7 years ago this evening.

My last drink was 7 years ago this evening.

My friend and I had gone to dinner at TGIFriday's. I left Bella, once again, to go out, and I enjoyed my liquid dinner with a side of food, basically. I was feeling a bit guilty under it all, leaving Bella home alone again. Her adopted sister had just passed away just 2 weeks earlier, and I felt it inside. I hated it; I hated leaving her, I felt guilty, but the desire to drink was greater than anything, so I left. It won, once again. It was such a disgusgting continual internal battle, and by this time, it was getting to me to the core.

I remember getting home and telling my friend that I was done. This had to be it. Or something to that affect.

I got changed for bed, or partially... that was a normal thing. Half-dressed, clothes strewn wherever, my bed half-made all the time, if at all... even after I cleaned the sheets, and I didn't care. I was in bed that night by 8, which was fairly normal so I could get up for work, or try to. By this point, I was already on my 3rd occurrence at the job I had for just 4 months, too, and received a written warning. After just 4 months, I was about to lose another job. I was becoming unemployable, as well. I had lost one job due to this sickness, and was about to lose a second.

Anyway, I went to bed, and slept, if you want to call it that. Did I really sleep anymore? I probably rested, passed out, but not sure that I really slept, if that makes sense. My conscience got to me. Something in my brain clicked. I just knew it was different this time. When I said I was done, I felt it inside. I was just tired all the time. I was sick too often. And I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. I wanted change. I wanted to change the way I was living, and I wanted that more than I wanted to drink, finally. I didn't know for sure if I could stay sober. I had tried so many times before, that I didn't trust myself. I didn't fully believe I could do it, but I had to try. Seven years ago, I fell asleep drunk for the last time.

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