Drunk Dreams, written 6/9/16
So the other morning, I had a dream that I drank. After 6 years, apparently that can still happen! It was red wine. I wasn't even a red wine drinker when I was active in my addiction! Don't get me wrong, if it was there, I'd drink it. I'd drink mine, and I'd drink yours! But it was not my first choice. I still believe I am "young" in my sobriety, my faith, and this life of mine, and hope and try to remain that way. I try to cherish that, and continually try to look at the world in different ways and through new eyes. It reminds me that we still have so much to learn in life. Continually being open to learn can also allow us to gain some humility, too. We can all be "young", no matter where we are in life!
That dream did not make me want to drink. I had to get my bearings after I woke up and realize it WAS just a dream and that I didn't actually drink, and it actually cracked me up! But at the same time, I had a weird and hollow feeling. It reminded me how evil addiction can be, and it can try to find ways to take back a hold on our lives. It wants is dead. Sneaky disease, it is!!
Nothing is worth a drink or a drug today. NOTHING. I'd throw everything away if I chose to try it again. I know in my dream what I did wrong. I was with the crowd that would not be good for me, and my motives were not in the right place. I knew in the dream that I was wrong as I put it up to my lips. I was wondering to myself if I should cover it up or admit it, even before I took that first sip. I was wondering that before I even drank it. I knew, but did it anyway, almost compulsively, but didn't and even couldn't stop myself.
I've shot weddings, been to my class reunion, Christmas parties at work, etc..., and I did not, and do not, have a desire to drink. I can't explain it- I just can't. But it's different for everyone. You you know what? I have the choice to leave at any given time if it became an issue. We can go later to these events, and leave early, if needed.
I have God with me, and if He is with me, nothing or no one can be against me. I have to reach out, and the magic just happens.
I thank God daily, more than once, and try not to take life and anything in it, for granted.
Hope you have an awesome today!
Long exposure of just after sunset, Bear Creek Lakes, Jim Thorpe, PA 5.20.16