Today in my travels, I noticed the bright neon signs in the bar windows. I honestly haven't given them a second thought in quite a long time. They aren't triggers for me, but they are for some. However, when I saw those signs, I looked at the clock and it was 1:38 in the afternoon. It took me back to the days that I used to sit in the bars and drank my days away. Sometimes I'd be there at 11:00 when they opened, just to have "a beer" and to see who was there. Sometimes by 1:00, I'd be half in the bag already, and go out for a few just to get out. Sometimes I wouldn't start drinking until 1:00 or so. If I could hold off, I actually felt ok about myself, and told myself that I do actually have control of my drinking. If you're trying to control something, most likely, it's out of control.
Many can say that I wasted time in those darker bars, with the bright lights inside. At the time, yes, perhaps I was. But now I can use those times to reflect and hopefully pass along some of those experiences and hope to someone who may be in that same dark place- physically, and/or mentally.
Alcoholism really isn't fun deep down. It depresses, it robs and steals any joy we may have. Many of us have used it as a coping mechanism for depression or anxiety (or both), and it takes away from any joy we may be able to experience, and gives us a false sense of joy and security.
It's amazing what we can see on the other side, when we begin to live differently. I never, ever in a million years thought I'd make it, but here I sit today, writing to you, in hopes that you hear a message in here that you may so desperately need or want.
A different way of living isn't a bad thing. It just is, and it can be much, much more rewarding if you can get through the muck of it all.
First, we have to change the physical- put down the drink. Then it becomes about changing our minds, and how we fill our time.
There's so much more than the bar; than that drink. You're worth it, and so much more. Value yourself enough to make the change.
You just never know what may come your way.
Photo was taken at Nubble Lighthouse area, just before sunset. The lighting was just gorgeous. I can't wait to get back up north. ________
Bella is sleeping peacefully after a bit of stress this afternoon. She did well on her walks, ate like a champ, and had a nice brushing tonight. Last night I talked softly to her, said many personal things to her, and let her know how much I love and cherish her. She is so very precious, and I'm so grateful our time here while we have it.
Make the most of yours.
Please contact me for prints or for use of the photo. Feel free to share, and may peace and love surround you as you drift to sleep tonight. #mainecoast #maine #alcoholism #addiction #recovery #wedorecover #appreciation